I read an article recently on Hello Giggles (ok ok I know it’s not the NYTimes or anything but IDONTCARE! Girly blogs are my Fantasy Football and I will not apologize!) that made me pause and do some major thinking AKA check-yoself-before-you-wreck-yoself.
I have always been a fan of letting myself fall by the wayside. I have no idea, and I mean literally, not a clue on Earth, how to look after myself. But I am slowly trying to remedy that, because I’ve finally realized that if I don’t start doing better for myself, I will never stop thinking the worst of myself. This is a tricky truth and it’s easy to miss. (via Hello Giggles)
It’s always the most bizarre feeling when you read something and I have to pause a moment and think Wait what? Did I write that or am I reading it? I was definitely just reading it, but the words rang so true: I am terrible at taking care of myself. I never go to sleep at a good time. I often don’t think about what I’m going to eat until I’m already hungry. It had been months and months since I had gotten a hair cut, been to the doctor (ok YEARS) or made an appointment with the dentist. The last time I went for a run I nearly died of heat stroke and vowed to never ever do anything crazy like running in Georgia ever again, ever ever. On my list of things to do (that is an ever-growing, relentless beast) taking care of myself is near the bottom or, more accurately, non-existent. I’d rather let myself fade to the background. Somedays it seems like I’d rather be a supporting role in the story of my own life.
Now, please don’t read this as I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU BECAUSE ALL I DO IS THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. I wish! As I’ve been examining my life and priorities and the way I think about myself and other people… well, I don’t really like to think about myself all that much. I see myself as so fragmented sometimes it’s hard to imagine doing things that make me feel whole.
I know I know. That sounds suuuuper dramatic. But hear me out. When I think about all that it takes to take care of a human being, even just oneself, it’s overwhelming to me. (I cannot even imagine throwing in kids or a husband or any other such thing into the mix!) If you can’t exist on limited sleep and bagels, then I’m probably not going to be much help to you because that’s just how I live my life. And because I am overwhelmed… I just don’t deal. At all. With any of it. And that… is not OK. I need to care enough about myself to want to deal with it.
Where do I turn to when don’t want to deal? Netflix. Instagram. The latest novel craze. Endless house projects. But God wants us to deal. He wants our lives to be more than just a To Do List or the answer to the question how am I gonna make it to tomorrow? And I realize that includes things like, I dunno, packing a lunch or going to bed at a decent time.
So, my question to all of you is this: how do you deal? What are priorities in your life so that you care for yourself? This could be as simple as, like, taking the time to remove your eye makeup before you crash into bed, as a random, not-at-all-something-I-have-a-problem-doing thing. Yeah?